Objective perspective
by Soulreciever
Summary: A would be victim of the God of Death is saved in a moment of weekness and ends out finding the humantiy within his heart. Eventual 1x2x1
1. The Scientist

Objective perspective:

Chapter 1: The scientist.

T: I have been a lurker in GDW fanfic for a while now and I thought it was about time I made my own contribution! I do not own the boys, mores the pity! Warnings of an original character, though this is NOT a sue! Slash of the 1x2x1 and 3x4x3 variety in later chapters, if you don't know what this means then avoid please as I don't appreciate flames! Vague angst, though this is expected with Heero and a slightly ooc Wu-fei.

I was the best at what I did, when I had had co-workers they had called me a Jack of all trades and I responded that, no, I was a Jill of all trades.

Not that it mattered much to me, I mean I am all too aware that there are some things that a woman cannot do, that no matter how hard she trains she will still be physically weaker than a man.

I was also very aware that I was doing something that was considered a man's job, but then this carer had found me rather than the other way about.

Back when I'd been Lana Fisher, Earth dwelling, Colony fearing, Lana Fisher, I'd worked to be a designer. For I'd always had the creative flair and though I'd majored in both Science and Design at university, Design had always been my calling.

That ment networking and networking ment travelling often to the Colonies, each trip pushing away a little of my fear until I was at home both upon Earth and in Space.

After I met Michale, Earth and my Designing dream took a back burner.

We married a year after meeting and once the honeymoon period was over I began to look again for a job.

I had no luck until Mike brought home some schematics one day and I with both my Designers flair and Scientific knowledge pointed out a few of the little flaws here and there.

Quickly I was assessed and then employed into the engineering business. I designed everything from an advanced climate control to smaller, more flexible bolts to hold the airlocks closed.

Thus when the war came I was the prime candidate for a Design position in the Alliance. A position I refused at first, not foolish enough to believe they would wish me designing bolts or other simple things.

Then Mike was killed and our little girl taken as hostage...

That's how I've come to be here, crammed in a small room with two computers and two guards, designing upgrades for their mobile suits.

The computer screen in front of me wobbles a moment and I take my glasses off and blink clear the fatigue before putting them back on again. Yet there is still a fuzzy edge to the bottom of the program I am running that warns something is not right.

A muffled pop and then the hiss of the door warns that the colony has been hit in our sector, firing the automatic coding and giving my bolts a workout.

As the radio of one of the guard's belts sparks into life I hear the word Gundam before he grabs it and begins to babble in code. Yet it is too late, I know that word and what it means. We are, after all, not a true Colony, but more of a resource satellite, stuffed to the gunnels with Alliance personnel. An obvious target for one protecting the true colonies.

Calmly I shut the computers down and reach for the respiration unit tucked in my back pocket, aware that should the door open the air from this room will also be drawn into the vacuum of space.

The guards look at me as if I'm mad and opened their mouths to question or comment, but the door clicks open and the vacuum soon suffocates them.

As they fall lifeless to the floor a figure enters the room, a short figure built in the slim awkwardness of adolescence. It comes my way and I stand up so that I might look it...him...in the eyes.

Such eyes, a bright violet that is slack and emotionless at the moment, yet I can see something pushed away at the back that tells me it is not always that way.

"Lana Snow?" He enquires through the mike of his helmet and I nod, unable to talk around my respirator. He smiles, the expression cold and empty and then before I know it I am staring down the barrel of a gun.

This I have expected and I drop to my knees, knowing well enough that if I am dead they shall have a harder time of advancing their weapons and their suits.

A thought comes to me as I prepare for death and taking in a sharp breath I remove the respirator so that I might say,

"Help my daughter..." Before my breath gives in and I have to place the thing back into my mouth.

Silence and then the barrel of the gun wobbles out of sight to be replaced by a curse and then the empty palm of his hand.

Taking the offer I gain my feet and fix his eyes again in my own, as I had expected they are full to the brim now with emotion, in fact such a riot of emotion is lined there that I feel nauseous and have to look away.

He has seen the enquiry in my look, however, and with a shake of the head informs me,

"I can't see others living my life." Before he turns and with a gesture of his hand bids me follow him.

We track a trail of destruction back along the hanger where a transportation unit is sat waiting, the engine running and a great hulk of a suit strapped to the back of it.

The thing is mostly black and I can just make out a weapon docked in a space on its back. Beam sabre, I guess, wrongly as I later learn.

Once the door to the transport is closed and we are out in space he relaxes just barely and clicking the thing to auto pilot removes his helmet.

Without the restriction I can see how young he truly is, through lines of worry and the trace of a scar here and there warns his youth has long since passed. His hair is an odd chestnut shade and is pulled back into a braid long enough so that its tip is lost within his suit.

"Well that's a little better. How about yourself?" He enquires and I realise that the respirator is clenched still between my teeth. Removing it carefully I pocketed it again and enquired,

"Will you tell me what you meant back there?" He looked uncomfortable and then smiled brightly. I saw this for what it was quickly, not a real smile but the mask of one to distract me, thus I did not pressure but instead said, "While I am alive they'll hunt for me and if I'm caught again..." Trailing as he nodded and replied,

"I know and I should not have aloud the weakness, but if I had known about your kid..." He trailed, a deepening of the lines informing me that he was thinking hard and then smiling another empty smile said, "You know your file had hardly any personal information in it. It was simply your name and your sector." I flinch at that, knowing well that such information as sector should have been removed from the files after the threat of hacking became more evident. That such information remained on my file...

"It was a set-up." I said.

"Yeh and quite an impressive one as well. You must really put them off,"

"I suppose I must," He brightened at this, the falsity falling away from his smile a moment before the mask settled back into place.

"Well geeze, it looks like it might be in our interests to keep you alive and that being the case I'm Duo. Duo Maxwell." He said, offering a hand. I look it and responded,

"Lana Snow, but you know that already."

"Well that's the introductions out of the way and now for the best bit. The running as fast as we can, bit." He states as he clicks the craft out of auto and fires the burners hard enough so that the g-force disallows talk for a while.

Once we are at a more constant speed he shifts a little in his seat and enquires,

"So will you give me your story?" The tone telling me he wishes to hear my voice rather than the words. Thus I relax and tell him as much as I think he wishes to hear and when the subject of my daughter is raised again he enquires,

"What's her name?" and I know that he has listened despite the fact that I have been rambling,

"Lyanna, Mike wanted something exotic to mark her mixed birth and to ensure they'd all know how much she ment to us." I continued on from there, telling him all that I could think of about how I had met Michale and of my younger days as a designer.

I began wondering somewhere in the middle of all of that how long it had been since I had seen my daughter. How long it had been since my hands had been coated in my husband's blood.

Time had stagnated in the little office the Alliance had given me and though I had heard about the dissolution of the Alliance and the take over of our base by Oz I could not recall the date of the take over or how long it had been since I had been working for Oz instead of the Alliance.

I felt a retracted panic cease me as I realised that I did not know how old my daughter was now, or if she had found a new mother in the family the Alliance had given her to.

"Lana?" The sound of Duo's voice pulled me out of the circle of despair and I flashed him a little false smile of my own. "Don't worry about it." I said and I watched his face fall at the words, watched and felt my heart fall with it.

He was only a boy, after all and he had believed that we trusted one another just a little after the initial bumpy start to our relationship. I had shattered that small hope and had only confirmed some suspicion lodged deep in his mind (this suggested by the acceptance beneath that hurt).

I was tempted to ask his apologies but before I could find the right phrasing the shuttle cambered sharply to the right.

"Damn it! They were quicker than I thought about sending search parties." He pushed the shuttle again into auto and fixed me in those bright eyes. "We're going to have to ditch this tin can and use my Gundam. It's only really built for a small fellow like myself so it'll be a squeeze for the both of us."

"I'll think of something." I replied.

"Good." As he said that his face blanked off again and I knew that I'd have to find my own way through until he came back into himself.

The cockpit of his Gundam was designed just as he had stated, with enough room so that his small form might move about in relative ease without adding unnecessary bulk to torso of the machine. Thankfully there was a little recess in behind his seat that I could just and just fit into once curled into a ball.

The position was uncomfortable and I was going to get buffeted something awful once the engines kicked in, but I'd be relatively well protected when we docked into a colony.

I could see little of the fight from my position, yet I could hear every word exchanged between the sides and that was enough to mark it well in my head, for through his words I learned that Duo was no longer himself. Or rather, he was no longer the boy who had saved me, but instead the colder emotionless entity that had come for my life in the first place.

This entity was called Shinigami and he worked with a crazed precision that was worthy of the name. His weapon of choice was a high-energy scythe modified from the workings of a beam sabre to fit into the image that he was as he claimed. Not simply death but the very god of death.

Shinigami was another mask, that I realised very quickly, one designed to hide the kinder Duo from the horror of war A mask to excuse the blood upon his innocent hands, for it had not been Duo, the jester, to kill these men or countless others, but Shinigami.

This I realised and I felt pity again in my heart for this boy, for though he was a killer he was still simply a child, a child that had had to age too quickly in a brutal world.

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T: Well there we go, the first part is well and truly over! Tell me what you think and visit my blog (the address of which can be found in my profile) to join in the madness and to see when the next part is due!

Oh and RR. Cheers.


	2. Shinigami's Family

Objective perspective:

2. Shinigami's humanity.

T: miracles of miracles I'm actually updating only a little after the first post, though you'd better not get used to it as I'll be distracted for a few weeks with Dark Tower 7. The boys are not mine, though I wish I could own Duo and protect him from the nasty things! Warnings remain the same as previous chapter with the addition of a mild language thing and spoilers should you not have viewed the episode Grief stricken Quatre or have no idea of what I'm on about when I say the word Peacemillion.

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We ended out not in a colony but a large white ship, which, from the communications exchanged between ship and pilot, I learned, was called Peacemillion.

Once we were docked I had both the difficulty of levering myself from the ball I had folded myself into and of actually clambering out of the Gundam itself now that it was vertical.

The latter had an easy solution for the lighter weight Duo, for there was a small cable at the front of the cockpit that he grabbed onto and which then, through a series of mechanics and pulleys, lowered him gently to the floor; a system that was clearly designed with the slight counterbalance of the pilots in mind.

Assessing the situation I eventually clambered as best I might down the machine, while ignoring the twinges in my muscles and attempting not to scuff up the paintwork too badly.

Eventually I was on solid ground and assured now of my safety Duo took a moment to remove the rest of his suit.

Beneath the blue/grey material was a slightly modified priests outfit that I was a little surprised to see before I recalled his surname.

Maxwell.

It brought forth a faint image of something I had seen before I had lost Michale, an image of flames and the sharp negative of a cross amid that bright light.

I wished to ask Duo about the image, wished to have it clarified in my head yet somehow I understood that Duo would not be able to help me. That the mask of Shinigami had taken whatever had occurred that day and pushed it far inside the boy.

"Well we can't stand around gathering dust I'm afraid, Lana and so if you follow me I'll introduce you to the family."

"Family?" I enquired as I fell into step behind him,

"Silly I know, after all theirs no blood ties between us, but somehow through the battles and the politics that's what we've become.

"Dad's a little pissed by the way what with mum being elsewhere, so ignore him should he cross our path." Though he said this last with as much sincerity as his jokers mask would allow there was something in his eyes that even I could not define.

We immerged a few moments later onto the bridge of the ship, which was manned by a mix of soldiers and presided over by an elderly gentleman in a brightly patterned shirt.

He seemed little surprised by my presence and though he chastised Duo for letting me live I could see the slight smile on his lips.

"Mrs Snow, it is a pleasure to finally meet the woman behind the mechanics." He said as he extended his hand.

"Thank you...Mr?"

"This is Howard, Lana, though I like to think of him as Gramps." Duo supplied, "The others bellow deck?"

"Yes, though I think it might be an idea to let me warn Heero about this rather than you springing it on him, Duo."

"Gramps chill, I'll handle Dad if the necessity arrives. You just take care of getting the scythe all fixed up for the next stroll will you?" He enquired before he led us into a small elevator.

The living quarters on the ship were arranged in the typical manner, separate rooms adjoined by one long corridor with a larger meeting room/ cafeteria at its end. It was for this space that Duo headed, a purpose to his step that was intriguing.

"Duo!" This contented exclamation came from a small blond boy sat with three other lads to the far corner of the room.

"Quatre, Trowa, Wu-fie. Glad to see you're still all up and about." He flashed an empty smile and I saw Quatre's face fall just a little before the blond noted my presence.

"Forgive me, Madam, but I did not notice that you were there. I am Quatre Rababa Winner and may I have the pleasure of knowing your name?"

"Certainly, I am Lana Snow, Mr. Winner."

"Lana's going to be staying with us for a while, Quatre." Duo supplied before he looked to me again and said, "Quatre's the mother hen of the group, though he's my brother along with the other two sat with him.

"Trowa's the silent one with a lack of style in the hair department and the other's wu-fie."

"Yuy will not like this one bit, Maxwell." Wu-fie supplied

"Yuy can dislike it all he wants Lana is staying."

"And why precisely do you believe that she is so important?" The last came from behind us, each syllable cold, precise and perfect.

Turning I was greeted with a boy who had most likely never been anything more than a soldier, for his eyes were nothing more than emotionless things utilised in assessing the threat of a target.

"Heero." Duo said, the name uttered with such an odd mix of emotion that caused the hairs on the back of my neck to rise.

"I will not repeat the question, Maxwell."

"Didn't you read the brief, Heero? She's a top grade designer on par with the loonies that built our Gundams and perhaps better than they are because she knows all about buildings as well.

"We can use that knowledge to better complete our missions and who knows perhaps it'll even save our worthless hides one day."

"It is insufficient reason for allowing her to live, Maxwell. She is an important member of the enemy team and they shall wish her back, will search relentlessly until they find her."

"But they won't, Heero, because she's become a threat to them. Enough of a threat so that they aloud us to find her so that we could do their dirty work for them.

"She's no more an enemy than you or I, Heero because she has been forced to work for them, because they are keeping her little girl hostage." This last was uttered in the lower tones of Shinigami and looking to Duo I saw that his face also had fallen behind that mask.

"You are weak, Maxwell and you have aloud that weakness to become a liability to all of us." And with that Heero was gone, wu-fie following a little after him.

"Well that went better than it could have." Duo remarked, the edge of humour in his voice doing little to dissolve the tension.

"I know that you did this for the right reasons, Duo, but he may have a point."

"Hey don't you go all we must do what we must for the good of the mission on me, Quatre. Heero has to understand that sometimes it's the choices we make under the pressure of emotions that are the best choices."

"And you have to learn that Heero's still in the dark when it comes to emotions, that his life has been a hard one." Quatre responded.

Duo shook his head at that and as his eyes dulled just a little my suspicion was confirmed. Shinigami had taken away the pain of his past, had taken away the shadows of whatever had happened back there and synthesised it into anger and hate.

Yet still Duo could recall the past and recalling without the pain was somehow worse for him than recalling with the pain.

This would explain his need to gather a family close, a need to find emotional warmth and support in the company of others.

Yet there was no explanation for his wish to humanise the machine known as Heero, or for the anger the machine posing as a boy fired in Duo's heart.

There was a mystery here that ran deep and I found that I wished to clear it up, wished to pull away Duo's masks and allow him to grieve, as he should. Indeed this wish was so bright in my heart that it almost outshone my desire to find again my daughter.

Lyanna was safe, after all, while something told me that should things continue as they are not only Duo but also the fate of mankind itself would be under threat.

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T: Well a short and almost plot less chapter but I hope the drama makes up for that! As I said previously it may be a while before the next update and so I apologise in advance!

RR please. Thank you


	3. the perfect soldier?

Objective perspective.

3. The perfect soldier?

T: Well I am back and dedicated to getting this story out of my head so that I can read my manga in peace! Warnings remain the same with the addition of a random mention of a 1xR relationship and a sneaking in of my perspective on that paring.

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Duo remained silent as he led me back up the corridor and though I was sorely tempted to ask him about what had just occurred, there was something in his eyes that told me silence was the best option.

He gave me a quick tour in a less than vibrant manner and then making his excuses left me in the company of Quatre and Trowa. The blond allowed me a moment to settle myself in and then said,

"I must apologise if the last few moments have seemed a little rude."

"I understand your caution, if I were in your place then I too would have asked questions."

"Good, I knew you were a rational kind of woman to be where you are in the reputation stakes, but I couldn't be sure.

"You shall have to forgive Duo and Heero as well, cramped together like this they tend to start slicing into one another."

"Its because they are so different isn't it? Yet then why does Duo push at him so?"

"Because that's Duo, Mrs Snow. When he feels uncomfortable or displaced in any way he retreats behind laughter and jokes, recently Heero's inability to conform to the standards Duo deems his normal and the fact that this inability removes him from the head of Duo's family has made him very insecure."

"What can Duo expect from that…boy?" I enquire, hesitating only a moment before using the objective.

"Heero displayed a few rudimentary emotions at the very start of our involvement with the war, emotions such as anger, joy, protectiveness and failure. These have since been buried as his training has taken over and as this war grows ever increasingly closer.

"Duo can not believe that Heero is simply nothing more than a programmed machine, that is not how his mind works, thus he becomes ever more infuriated when he is met with little more than such a front." Quatre concluded.

It made some sense as far as Duo's disbelief went and yet that Heero displayed any sort of emotion, that pressure had dissolved those emotions…the mystery deepened and yet Quatre seemed willing enough to tell me what he could and so perhaps I might soon be able to see some clarification.

"How about the one Duo thinks of as the mother of this group, how does she figure into this?"

"Relena Peacecraft, one time Queen of the world, earns the mother label because it is around her that Heero shows his human edge. Some might take that as a sign that he cares for her but… Heero's main concern has always been for peace, for an end to the war so that the colonies might be free at last. Relena is a representative of that peace, indeed she may one day assure that such a peace exists and thus my protecting her Heero protects peace itself.

"It's a round about logic, but Heero is not one to let complications mar a mission, most especially his most important mission."

"That's foolish though, complications and emotions sometimes assure that a mission, if you will, is successful, perhaps even beneficial also."

"Heero has been trained to believe otherwise." This last was Trowa, the way in which he uttered the words informing me that he had had experience of such training himself. "He thinks that emotions are a weakness, that to be the perfect soldier one has to shut himself away from all that might cause distraction.

"This is why he has become worse of late, the weakness that he is showing towards Relena (who knows his identity) is aggravating him because he can not see why he is doing it.

"Can not understand how sparing her life might later work out for the best. Nor can he understand why Duo gets to him so and thus he gets more infuriated with him and Duo reacts by retreating further into the jokers mask."

"But why? I understand Heero's mentality well enough having seen it many times before…but why does he get under Duo's skin with such ease?

"Surly Duo understands, even subconsciously, that the more he pushes Heero the more he pushes back?"

"Because Duo feels he needs Heero's respect and because…" This was Quatre again, though the other trailed and gripping his shirt he shook his head, "I wish I could tell you, Mrs. Snow, but Duo hides so much from us all and though I have a suspicion I have nothing solid to back it up."

I knew he was telling the truth for the distress on his face and yet I could not help but feel that he was with holding something.

No matter though, my course was becoming clearer to me now…Lyanna was my priority but it would not hurt to see if I could help the boy who had spared me and perhaps even help the boy who supposedly lived within the shell of Heero.

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T: Yes yet another short one, as they all will be from now on I fear but hey! It may mean more chapters in the long run. Thank you to my constant reviewer and I promise that I shall be back a littler sooner this time as I am on holiday soon. WEEEEEEE! Ahem…

RR. Ta


	4. The Heart of war

Objective perspective:

4. The heart of war.

T: Yes I am aware of how long it has been between updates but I'm currently doing the support thing so have had little time to think of myself! I'll do what I can to finish this though, especially with such praise as bestowed by the reviews I've been having.

The pace will be picking up (thank goodness) and I'll most likely be twiddling with perspectives a little so stay awake! Warnings remain the same and the boys et all not mine.

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The weeks had rolled by with little to mark them other than the change in attitude from those about me.

Duo had settled quickly from his upset on my inauguration into this collective and with his rather chaotic expertise in computer hacking we had begun to track Lyanna down. Despite this time together, however, I had cleared little dust from the mystery surrounding the boy and had put the matter aside until Duo felt me ready to hear the tail.

Quatre had taken it upon himself to educate me in the dynamics of the group and to impart to me all the knowledge regarding the others that I would need to hold a conversation.

This information ment that I no longer felt difficult when with the boys on a one to one basis or when they were together and that I too now felt part of this odd family.

I had held a coded communiqué with the scientist behind the Gundams and stocked full of both their knowledge and my own I had drafted a brief of all the machines strengths and weaknesses in my head. We were fighting a war, after all and though I remained on the Peacemillion at all times the boys often went on missions to wound the enemy.

The end was coming fast, this I knew without having to be told, for the boys often sat in silence when they were together and such gatherings of the five of them in one room happened with less and less frequency.

Indeed on the eve of Christmas Eve Duo came to my room and with his typical empty smile said,

"Lana, could we have a chat?" Intrigued despite myself I replied,

"Of course, Duo, sit yourself down." He did as commanded and the jesters mask falling he began with,

"It looks like the last battle will be tomorrow. The Troops from Earth have been making a beeline in this direction and Zechs has been issuing some interesting orders.

"Promise me you'll keep your head down, your little girl needs you safe and secure after all."

"I'll do what I can Duo."

"Good, then promise me you'll stop worrying about me…and don't go trying to deny it, Quatre's a good friend and blabs when the heats on." A pause then,

"We've all got our daemons and that's the real reason we get on so well, you know, despite the clashing of our personalities.

"Trowa and Heero have known nothing else but warfare, Trowa was raised in battle and Heero…Heero has been programmed for it. Quatre and Wu-fie have both lost someone dear to them, Wu-fie because he refused to fight and Quatre because he had to."

"What about you, Duo?" I enquired and he smiled a true smile and replied,

"Me, I'm a bit of both. The war killed my parents before I can recall and I was raised on the streets. I learned to grab what little life gave me and hold it hard until it faded away…course sometimes holding on isn't enough; you've got to fight as well.

"I fought to save the boy who raised me and I failed, I fought to save the people that became my parents after that, the church that became my home and all my fight brought was death and destruction.

"I fight now to save their souls, to save mine and god help me to save Heero's as well, because if I stop fighting all the hurt I have had to feel will taint others, do you understand? Because if I stop fighting then the war will carry on and take the lives of others like us.

"So that's why you can't worry, Lana, because this is what I am while the war remains."

"What about after the war, Duo? What's left for you when you've stopped the fighting?"

"Heh, you really are smart aren't you? I'll think about the end when it comes, Lana and not before, hopes a starved commodity here about and it won't help any to go wasting it on what ifs." The Jesters mask fell back on then and with a curt nod he was gone.

So many burdens for one so young to carry, enough so that the false pre-tense of Shinigami finally made sense.

"Do you have your answers now?" That was Heero whom had entered my quarters and was lent against the doorframe.

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She starts a little at my enquiry and I find myself oddly elated at the lack of situational awareness she shows.

"It was unfair to eavesdrop."

"It was necessary, the fighting integrity of the unit had been compromised after all." Her face twists in such a way that makes her appear as if she has eaten something un-pleasurable.

She does not care for my method of interaction, this I know well from listening to her conversations with Winner and though her opinions matter little to me I am aggravated that she did not simply voice them to me in person.

"Duo pours his soul out and all that concerns you is the integrity of your unit? You truly are nothing more than a weapon are you?" She enquires.

That word wounds me in a way only it can and again I think of that girl and her dog…why does that memory plague me always? Was it because I failed, or because an innocent died at my hand?

My training would have me think the former and yet I have failed many times since, and though those failures sting they do not haunt me.

It is the latter then, but why if emotion is an unnecessary factor, should that be the case? I have had many years of perfecting my skills as a pilot and of pushing away unnecessary distractions that might otherwise compromise that skill. Despite this training she haunts me still…

This stranger may be able to tell me why and though I am loathed to expose my weaknesses to any for fear of exploitation I find myself enquiring,

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Before I have even had the time to process the decision further.

She seems startled by the enquiry, but it is not a negative surprise for a moment later she smiles one of her knowing smiles and enquires,

"Would you be fighting so hard, Heero, if you were not assured that the peace you fight for will be protected? Would you fight, like Duo, simply so others did not have to?

"Why do you want this peace, Heero? Why do you fight for something that shall destroy all necessity for you as you are now?"

"I fight because I must, because without one such as myself to fight this war it shall never end. I am willing to die so that the peace can be assured, willing to give that ultimate sacrifice."

"But why? I believe, as Quatre that you protect Relena simply for the preservation of your peace and so if you are not fighting for her…"

"I have no reason." I replied and she shivered for the sincerity in my voice.

"Perhaps it is time you find one, Heero. Though it is true that you should be willing to sacrifice yourself if the need arise, you should also have a purpose to your fight.

"Otherwise you become no better than your enemy, slaughtering without cause and without heart."

"Surly even if you are fighting for a cause you are still no better than you enemy. It is simply a matter of perspective, after all."

"True enough, but if you are fighting simply for the sake of it what shall be left of your life at the end?"

"So if I found purpose it would aid me in my fight?"

"Perhaps. It would most defiantly aid you when peace came." She replied.

Though it was against the principles that J had bestowed to me as I trained it made some salient points.

Perhaps I could fight to stop the killing, to assure that no more little girls were killed in as senseless a fashion as she who haunted my thoughts…it sounded eerily akin to Duo's purpose for fighting, yet he had wanted to fight for me also, for the purity of my soul.

Why? It was something I could not ask this woman and something dare not ask Duo. He was a fellow Gundam pilot and to show him this weakness inside of me was unthinkable and yet…

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I watched it play out on Peacemillion's monitor until the very last instant and then as the other members of the crew I evacuated the burning ship and found my way onto barge.

The journey gave me to time to see Relena for myself and as Heero before me I saw the possibilities the girl held within her hands. Saw her charisma, her strength and her will.

I also saw the fragile child beneath that veneer and again as Heero before me I felt the necessity to protect that child from harm and to protect the peace at the same time.

That was why I decided to aid the boys as best I could in the battle and thus when we reached barge I enquired after an empty room and, once I had typed in the necessary information to connect me to the boy's communication network, I began to monitor their movements that way.

I heard both Une's announcement and the colonies through the ships intercom and though I knew such things were important for the solidity of the peace I dismissed them quickly. Everything hinged on halting Libra's path after all.

I am ashamed to admit now that it was not only Zero who convinced Heero to pursue the fragment of Libra , but at the time I believed he would do as he had been prepared to and though his life ment little in the great scheme of things I could not see him sacrifice himself needlessly.

It was a comfort, therefore, to hear his words as he aimed his buster rifle and I knew that after this day he would change, just a little, but enough so that his humanity could be reclaimed.

I participated in history that day and I knew peace would be ours the moment Heero succeeded and yet…

I felt my elation fade, for with the war gone what would the boys do now? What life was there for those who had lost the one thing that defined their existence?

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T: One-maybe two chapters left, will most defiantly be covering the Mariemaia incident and the slash will be sneaking in slightly more obviously.

No promises as to next update…will do my best!


	5. Fighting for ones humanity

Objective perspective.

5. Fighting for ones humanity.

T: Well this was a little quicker than I had expected, perhaps this bodes well for future fics!! Extra spoiler warning for those who have not seen Endless Waltz and also for those who have not read battlefield of the pacifists. Warnings remain the same and the slash becomes clearer in this chapter so those uncomfortable with such things best leave now.

Right that done, lets begin shall we??

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Unsurprisingly many of the smaller fractions refuse to disarm completely, they fear that war will return and I cannot blame them. We have lived with warfare so long now that peace seems unnatural.

I never thought of having a life outside of the war, of being able to see my family again and having to tell them what I am sure they had feared, indeed what they had begun to think about myself also.

The emotional weight of it all presses hard upon me and so when Duo comes to visit me in my office I snap.

He calms me down and whips me out of the office for something to drink. Half way through my hot chocolate I apologise and he, with the usual Duo bravado, shakes it off.

He tells me about what he's been doing with himself and though he seems content dealing with scrap mettle, I can hear the wistful edge to his voice very clearly.

"Heh, but that's enough about me. Guess what I found," He said as he passed me over an envelope full of photos.

There in black and white was a face I recalled well, a face that recalled her father to me still, and a face that had aged just barely.

"Lyanna." I breath and Duo smiles,

"I thought it was her, she looks a little like you."

"Where is she?"

"Earth."

"When is the next shuttle?"

"I'll take you.

……………………………………………………………………………….

Why was Duo here upon earth? Why can he not allow me to live my own life? Why does his friendship still discomfort me?

I should be concerning myself with trying to make a life outside of the war and yet I cannot but help that already things are conspiring to keep me within the role of the perfect soldier.

Gaintz and his perfect peace almost achieved that very thing, almost assured that again this world would be plunged into chaos and warfare. Their ideals were flawed, however, thus they were destined for nothing other than to fail and they did fail, though through Zeros aid once more.

I can rely on Zero no longer, however and I must begin to trust in myself, in my emotions to win through.

Against my will my fingers type in Lana's frequency and after a moment of static she appears, a wild glint to her eyes that I have never seen before.

"Heero?" She enquires and again I find pride in her shock.

Unlike the last time, however, it is not pride is retaining the advantage over her, but rather pride that I have changed enough so that she can no longer predict my every movement.

"I wish to ask for your aid."

"Of course, how may I help?"

"I find myself confused, Mrs. Snow and I knew that you would be the one to discuss such confusion with." I pause and she allows me the moment, most likely because she assumes I am stalling for time, yet it is kindness none the less. "I wished to know why I am plagued always with thoughts of Duo and his welfare, especially when he is nothing more to me than someone to watch my back."

"Not precisely a job that you would trust to just anyone, Heero, but I see what you are trying to tell me.

"To be honest I can not say for sure why Duo is plaguing your mind, you do not react to situations and emotions as others I know, but…" She paused, her fingers rising subconsciously to play with her glasses and then she continues with, "All I can advise you to do is to get closer to Duo, become his friend Heero and see if that makes anything clearer to you.

"I could tell you what I think, but I do not believe that I should. You do not understand your emotions after all, do you?" She enquired.

A moment later her image blanked from my screen and I was left to think about her advice.

She was asking me to forget J's training and to be again Odin's Lad, yet I was not sure if that little boy existed any more, or even if I had wish to let him free again.

Back then I had been without identity and though I knew my life would be always full of battles and warfare I did not understand what that ment. I believed that it would be always as it was with Odin, believed that I would always have some father figure to look up to and someone to belong to.

Though I was being trained to be a solider I was allowed to feel as I wished, allowed to cry when I killed.

To be again as such, to allow another into my life…

I cannot understand why that prospect frightens me so.

……………………………………………………………………………….

By the time Mariemaia began her war Heero had taken my advice and joined forces with Duo.

It was an odd partnership and yet, little by little, it began to have to desired affect.

The Perfect Solider was at last learning the true value of emotion within conflict.

It was rather unfortunate that the war had to come in the middle of that progress, or at all if truth were known.

Yet again I found myself listening to the boys fight and again it was Heero who received my aid, though on this occasion the help was requested rather than offered.

I told him that it would be almost certain suicide, that a quick succession of blasts from the Buster riffle would seriously compromise Wing's structural integrity and yet he carried on regardless.

He sent me one last message before his communication network was wiped out by the blast.

It said simply,

'I understand'.

………………………………………………………………………………

Hilde is already sat at our table when I arrive, indeed after the preamble I learn that she has already bought me coffee.

The lovely thick black kind that I really love and that ends up all over my shirt a moment after I take my first sip,

"Whoa, back up there a moment, Hilde. What did you say?" I enquire once I've stopped choking and mopped up most of the excessively damp areas on my shirt.

"I said that I talked to Lana yesterday and invited her out today." She replies.

Great, sometimes Hilde really is very dense.

Don't get me wrong I love Lana, indeed she's kind of like the mom I never had but, _geeze,_ you don't just dump a man's mother on him without warning.

Thankfully I get all the info I can on why Lana's coming to see me and when she's taking me once she's gotten some caffeine into her, thus when she arrives a few minutes later with Lyanna in tow I don't feel so completely off keel.

Still it takes me until half way through the lunch Lana buys to shake the feeling that she's assessing me and by the time desert arrives I can almost swear that she's expecting someone else.

They bring a couple of packets of love hearts with the bill and as always when I receive a pack I open it out and line up the multi coloured circles.

"Duo, I wanted to ask you something." Lana says.

I make some committal noise in return, my concentration diverted as it is by trying to form a sentence from the candy.

"Are you in love?" She enquires.

It takes me a moment to catch up with the question and by that point I am very much aware that my fingers have been twirling a candy emblazoned with the words ' Blue eyes' and that I have placed 'My own' at the start of the sentence.

Caught by candy and a mind as sharp as a pin I reply,

"Yes."

"Good." That last is not Lana but Heero, who stands now just a little to the left of our table.

He seems almost uncertain of himself and I find that fact disconcerting, Heero was always the one to rely on with a plan to get out of a tough scrape and it's just…odd…to see him trying to wing something.

Lana stands and placing a hand on his shoulder tells him,

"I'm sure, Heero, I just hope that you are as well." Before both she and Lyanna leave us be.

He stares at me a great while and then lays one hand flat on the top of the table,

"Duo." He says it almost like a prayer and I feel a shiver rise up my spine before I reach for his fingers.

We do not say anything, somehow both of us instinctively knowing how clumsy they would be in this moment.

Instead he smiles; a small smile and I know that my life has suddenly changed for the better.

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T: Mwhahaha! Yes that is it. The love heart idea is partially taken from another fic and partially from the discovery that they actually have a 'Blue eyes' love heart.

Anyway the best is dead and I am moving on, so look out for The Winner Chronicles or just have a snoop at my blog to look at my other projects.

RR.


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